i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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