I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
