I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
