I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
