Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
