she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How does one acquire holy water?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
