she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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