Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
