whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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