watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Someone came in the potted fern
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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