I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
