is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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