I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
