You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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