Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
