I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
