he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize