i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
