oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i think my cat just said my name.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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