You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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