He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
