whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
