dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
