I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize