just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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