If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
They have beer where we have blood.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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