I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
