so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize