Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
