oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
