Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
