Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My vagina just clenched in fear
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
