I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize