she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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