one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
