Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
