Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
