they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
