i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
