Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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