I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
