Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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