I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You have to summon your inner elephant
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
