omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
