My Higher Power is John Stamos
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
