spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
