You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
