did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
