Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
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Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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