i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
