I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
