hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
