She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Less talking, more tequila
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
