I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
