This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
