I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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