Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
