sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
