Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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