Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
