her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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