After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
