...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
