I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
