margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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