champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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