Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
