Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
