When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
