ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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